dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
