Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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