Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
