I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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