didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
