It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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