Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
