:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
