I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
