So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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