I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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