it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
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The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
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Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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