Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
