He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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