she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
