she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
