The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
