An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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