like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
