i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
