I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
