So drunk its hurt
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
