margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
