Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
