I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
