i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
