I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
