just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
