The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sext me about skeletons
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
