Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
