Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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