Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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