your room smells of hookers.
And success
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
