p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
