are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
