soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
