i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
