the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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