So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
