Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
