I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
40s are totally the cure
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
