I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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