where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
