Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
