just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
