so explain again why im purple
no
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
