i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
BRING THE BAGELS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
