I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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