It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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