Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
