Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
