you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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