break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
