Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
