He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
