I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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