I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
