i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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