Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
