And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
