Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hello my rib-scented angel!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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