Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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