It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
