who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
