Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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