i just wanna soil my oats bro
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
