She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
