Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
