You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
