hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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