I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
