Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
His nipple licking is glorious
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