chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
