rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
