He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
