I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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