I wannas sexs uuuuu
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
