k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
There's even glitter on my cock...
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