sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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