So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
