if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
