even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
